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  • #31
    Q. Why do Gay men wear ribbed condoms?
    A. For traction in the mud.

    hahahahaha funny but fukin gross


    • #32
      ok here's a joke....

      hybrid cars.


      • #33
        here's a few corkers that I just got on an email (from my boss haha)

        Two drunks are in a pub.
        One says to the other 'I've fucked your mother, pushed my cock down
        her throat then boned her up the arse'.
        The other drunk says 'I think you've had enough to drink now, Dad'.

        A 13 year old girl sits on Santa's knee.
        Santa says 'What would you like for Christmas?'
        The girl says 'I want some hair round my fanny'.
        Santa says 'Would a white beard be OK?'

        A man goes down on a woman and says 'Fuck, that stinks!'
        The woman says 'It's my arthritis'.
        He says 'What, in your c**t?'
        She says 'No, in my shoulder, I can't wipe my arse'.

        A blonde phones the fire brigade and says her house is on fire.
        The fireman asks 'How do we get there?'
        'HELLOO!' she replies, 'In the fucking big red truck!'

        A tramp walks into a jewellers and casually begins to finger his own arse.
        The jeweller screams 'GET OUT!!!'
        The tramp points to the sign 'COME IN AND PICK YOUR RING IN COMFORT!'

        Teacher to class 'What does your dad do at weekends?'
        Little Johnny 'He's a dancer in a gay bar and sometimes if the money's
        right, he lets punters bang his arse and then come in his mouth'.
        Teacher pulls him to one side and says 'Johnny, is that true?'
        'No Miss, he goes to watch Scotland Rugby Team, but I'm too embarrassed to say that'.

        A lesbian goes to the doctors and the doctor says 'that is the
        cleanest vagina I have ever seen'.
        'Thank you' says the lesbian. 'I have a woman in twice a week!'

        If a woman is uncomfortable watching you wank, do you think:
        a. You need more time together
        b. She's a fucking prude
        c. She should have sat somewhere else on the bus.

        A man comes home from the pub very late and very drunk.
        His wife says 'OK smartarse, explain the lipstick on your shirt'.
        'Fuckin easy', he said. 'I used my shirt to wipe my cock'.

        Kylie, Elton John and Robbie Williams are walking along the street.
        Kylie trips, jamming her head in some railings.
        Robbie pulls her knickers down and fucks her senseless.
        He turns to Elton, says 'your turn' but Elton starts crying.
        'What's wrong?', asks Robbie
        Elton sobs and says 'my head won't fit in the railings'.

        A recent survey asked 100 sexually active men what they most enjoyed
        about a blow job.
        99.9% said the 10 minutes of silence.


        • #34

          c. She should have sat somewhere else on the bus.


          • #35
            A man died and went to heaven. As he stood in front of St. Peter at the Pearly Gates, he saw a huge wall of clocks behind him.

            He asked, 'What are all those clocks?'

            St. Peter answered, 'Those are Lie-Clocks. Everyone on Earth has a Lie-Clock.

            Every time you lie the hands on your clock will move.'

            'Oh,' said the man, 'whose clock is that?'

            'That's Mother Teresa's. The hands have never moved, indicating that she never told a lie.'

            'Incredible,' said the man. 'And whose clock is that one?'

            St. Peter responded, 'That's Abraham Lincoln's clock. The hands have moved twice, telling us that Abe told only two lies in his entire life.'

            'Where's Kevin Rudd's clock?' asked the man.

            Rudd's clock is in Jesus' office.

            He's using it as a ceiling fan.

            Kevin Rudd could be also replaced by Tony Abbott lol


            • #36
              a man going through the pains of life carrying all his worry's and cares one day throws his bag of burdens down and says out loud...

              Im tiered of this life! Im ready to die and i don't care any more ...Im tiered of carrying this load...

              SUDDENLY the Angel of death appears and exclaims, did i hear someone call?

              Yes exclaims the man, could you help me lift up this bag..



              • #37


                • #38
                  A man walks into a bar of soap...

                  Luckily he had a clean escape.


                  • #39
                    "I don't understand suicide bombers... Blow yourself up for the chance you could be with 72 virgins? Become a catholic priest and have 'em now!"

                    jimmy carr